Back and Better than Ever

Okay, maybe not better than ever. Maybe just back and better than I was a few months ago.

Actually, hmm, maybe not better than a few months ago, so let’s just go with I’m back!

I’m baaaaaaaaaaack and pretty much the same as before. But I am excited to share with you all my big news, and the reason for my 5 month hiatus.

My last blog post was in August, and I haven’t even booted up my personal computer since November. Turning it on now took 30 minutes with all the updates, and it’s making a noise like it’s trying to get airborne.

Taking a break from this relatively new blog was a tough decision but it was for all the best reasons. I had started a new job, within my same company, but a step up. Career advancement! With that came lots of new things to learn and new responsibilities.

Then, just a few weeks into that, we found out that our gamer family is expanding by one (one pair of Chuck Taylors/PS4 controller/human baby).

That’s right, I’m pregnant!

When I wrote my blog post Pregnancy Announcements for Gamers back in June, I had no idea that I’d get to use one of those so soon. We wanted a second child, but I had struggled with infertility with the first. When we decided to start trying, I began filling my prescriptions and getting ready for another years-long journey with my ob and reproductive specialists. And then, unexpectedly, none of that was necessary. Rainbow baby on the way.

What followed that great news was a very tough August. They say every pregnancy is different and, boy, was this one different. With my daughter, I had a touch of nausea and fatigue in the first trimester. I would regularly go to bed around 7pm and sleep 10 hours. But with her, when second trimester started, I sprang out of bed and felt great for the next 6 months.

In contrast, this little one is kicking my butt. I had non-stop nausea for the first trimester and weeks into the second. I constantly felt on the verge of puking and struggled to eat, which meant I had no energy and was completely exhausted.

And then there were the hormones. I’ve had some serious mood swings this time around. I’ve cried so much, over serious things (like the loss of a beloved pet) and not serious things (finding out my daughter graduated from the Mommy & Me gymnastics class and wouldn’t need me with her anymore). I also spent days worrying that I’ll never love this baby as much as I love my daughter and thinking that he sensed that and already didn’t like me. I recognize these feelings are ridiculous, and also thanks to the internet, I realize that it’s normal with second kids to have these worries. Seriously, what did moms do before the internet? I know there are downsides with misinformation and horrible news stories, but there is also so much good about finding other moms who have experienced similar emotions. I’ve been reassured so many times that I will love my son as much as I love my daughter, no matter what my hungry, sleepy, hormonal brain tells me.

I spent a lot of time wondering why this pregnancy has been so much rougher on me. Is it because I’m 3 years older than last time, approaching my late 30s? Is it the difference between a girl pregnancy and a boy pregnancy? Is it because no matter how tired I am, my toddler is an unforgiving task master who won’t let me go to bed at 6pm like I want? Turns out she needs things like dinner and baths and attention! Who’d have thunk?

Whatever the reason for this tougher go-round, it was reality, and I had to step back and look at how my hours were being spent to find as much time for rest as I possibly could. This meant my already limited time for video games and blogging got completely slashed. I am so impressed by you mommas out there who balance work, family, and content creation. You are serious rock stars. I love this blog, but I couldn’t keep up with it. I felt guilty about not being able to make it work and do it all, but the more time I took to rest and focus on myself, the more I realized how important breaks are for me. Sure, another mom may have been able to make it work with pregnancy and toddler and blog and job, but there are other moms out there like me who would’ve needed to step back.

Now with my feet firmly in the third trimester (at least I think that’s where they are, I can’t really see my feet), feeling finally settled in my new work position, and past the insanity of the holiday season, I am so excited to get back into the Moms with Game world.

Game time is still minimal, but I’m fitting it in where I can. I fell deep into Obra Dinn and beat that over the course of a few evenings. I bought myself Slay the Spire on PS4, so now instead of playing on my husband’s Switch with his Nintendo account, I’m competing in the Daily Climbs with my PSN profile (6thplace finish the other night – still going for that #1 spot). On Steam, I’ve been playing Dicey Dungeons and Wilmot’s Warehouse. I’ve also been playing through all of the NES Mega Man games (1-6), and I think my next post will be about my success/failure and thoughts on each of those.

It feels great to be back, and I’ve also been more active on Twitter lately, and will be getting back to it on Instagram soon too. Can’t wait to catch up with you. I hope you all have been finding time in your busy days for your passions, and if it hasn’t happened lately, know that it’s okay to take a break and that you can get back to the things you enjoy again soon.